


Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower

by Llama1412



Series: Petals and Stripes [4]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath, Bad Flirting, Courting Rituals, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Team as Family, Wooing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llama1412/pseuds/Llama1412
Summary: Roche may have reconciled with his team and resigned himself to heartbreak, but the Stripes aren't quite so content to let their Boss be miserable.
Relationships: Blue Stripes & Vernon Roche, Iorveth/Vernon Roche
Series: Petals and Stripes [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019938
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a quote from John Harrigan

“Is it just me,” Fenn began, “or is everyone alive and well again, except the Boss  _ still _ isn’t getting railed by a treefucker?”

“Drop it, Fenn,” the Boss in question snapped. 

Admittedly, Fenn could’ve chosen a better time to ask than in the middle of a post-mission debrief, but really,  _ someone _ had to say it. 

_ “Why _ isn’t the Boss getting railed by a treefucker?”

“Fenn!” Ves snapped.

“Because he’s our enemy?” Finch muttered. 

Oh. Fenn could see how that could be an obstacle. Even so, “he cured the Boss, though.” Which meant the feelings were returned, right? So why was there still an issue?

“Just drop it,” Roche barked. “It’s not happening, just forget all about it.”

“But–”

Finch pinched him before he could say anything else, which meant this was one of those things that the Boss wouldn’t waver on. So even though Fenn  _ still _ didn’t get it, he couldn’t ask anymore unless he wanted to get in trouble – and not the fun kind.

He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on it to keep from asking, and tried to figure out what the problem was. Yes, okay, the elf was their enemy, but hadn’t they already figured that out? With the whole ‘swear to secrecy or leave the family’ thing? Sure, it wasn’t exactly the most ringing endorsement for a relationship, but it was what it was, right?

They knew that the Boss loved the elf. The Boss knew that they knew. The  _ elf _ knew and cured the Boss.

King Foltest, very pointedly, did  _ not _ know.

So… why couldn’t the Boss just secretly get railed by the treefucker? Fenn was sure it would improve his mood. Plus, he was in love or whatever. So why wasn’t the Boss getting laid?

Fenn managed to last all the way through the debrief – though he remembered little of it – and even through dinner but when the Stripes, minus the Boss and Ves, returned to their barracks for the evening, he finally burst out, “but  _ why!?” _

Finch sighed heavily but Thirteen just grinned at him. “Lasted a whole two hours, I’m impressed.”

“Fuck you,” Fenn scoffed, “someone tell me why dammit.”

“You’re fucking lucky the Bossman ain’t here right now,” Finch shook his head, sitting down on his cot and pulling out a block of wood to carve.

“I don’t think we should be talking about this,” Silas interjected. “Commander Roche was very clear–”

“But that’s my  _ point!  _ He’s fucking miserable! And the fix is right fucking there!” Fenn gestured expansively towards the forest outside the city. 

“The Boss’ll never do it,” Shorty sighed, dropping down to sit next to Finch. “Even dying, he wouldn’t admit to it. You really think he will now, when he’s healthy and working alongside the king again?”

“But he  _ already _ admitted it, didn’t he?” Fenn’s forehead scrunched in confusion. Wasn’t that how he was cured?

Pillow Tits groaned, rubbing his face. “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t interrupted them, maybe–”

“Doubt it,” Shorty shook his head. “Heat of the moment is one thing. But admit in the harsh light of day that he wants  _ that?  _ The Boss’ll never do it.”

“So what, he’s just stuck being miserable and taking it out on us?”

“Not necessarily,” Thirteen said slowly, a grin slowly growing on his face. “So the Boss won’t admit it. What if he doesn’t have to?”

“What do you mean?” Silas asked, frowning.

“I  _ mean,  _ what if we get the–” Thirteen glanced around them before stuttering out, “the  _ target _ to come to the Boss instead? Then he won’t have to admit it!”

“I don’t think it works like that,” Pillow Tits said.

“No no, this is genius,” Fenn enthused, jumping to his feet. “We just gotta woo the target  _ for _ the Boss!”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Finch pointed out. But he didn’t say he wouldn’t join, so Fenn just smiled and turned to Shorty.

“Yeah?”

“This is gonna be a disaster,” Shorty chuckled. “I’m totally in. But uh,  _ how _ exactly do we woo a – you know?”

“Flowers?” Thirteen shrugged.

“Somehow I think the Boss has seen enough flowers for a long while.”

“We should start small,” Pillow Tits said, “ease them into it.”

Fenn frowned, wondering if his idea of abducting the elf and tying him up for the Boss would could as ‘easing in’.

“What’s the middle ground between flowers and kidnapping?” he asked and Finch groaned loudly.

“What about weapons?” Shorty suggested. “Everyone loves weapons, don’t they?”

Finch scoffed. “You wanna give the squirrels  _ another _ way to fight us?”

“I mean, I kinda just want an excuse to play in the forge,” Shorty shrugged, “but… yeah? I mean, knives, that’s fitting for them right?”

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a razor blade,” Fenn nodded. From the concerned looks on the others’ faces, that was not as common of a saying as he’d thought. Huh. Good to know. “So… we’re designing a knife for the, uh, target?”

Pillow Tits sighed, “oh, what the hay. Let’s do it.”

“Okay,” Thirteen rolled up his sleeves, pulling out a scrap of parchment to draw on. “What about something like this?” His rough drawing showed a curved blade with silver filigree inset near the tip and spanning the whole width of the blade near the hilt.

“Gorgeous,” Fenn praised.

“Oi,” Shorty poked Thirteen, “I’m not even a journeyman smith. Ain’t no way I’m doing silver fucking filigree.”

“Wouldn’t–” Silas started, eyebrows drawn together in confusion, “wouldn’t that make a terrible weapon?”

“Hey!” Thirteen gasped, affronted.

“Yup,” Finch confirmed. “Blade would probably snap the first time it was used.”

“That sounds like an it problem,” Fenn shrugged. “But fine, if you want it to be  _ functional…” _

“The Boss would,” Pillow Tits said. “Besides, what use would the, uh, the  _ target _ have for something that looks pretty but does nothing? I mean, I imagine they’ve gotta be pretty particular with their stuff, you know?”

Thirteen huffed loudly. “Just because you morons don’t have my  _ artistic vision,  _ you call it useless! That’s just fucking rude. Disrespectful. Unkind.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shorty waved his hand, “before Thirteen’s vocabulary runs out, anyone else got any ideas? Maybe for an actual useful blade that won’t be impossible to forge?”

“How do you feel about gold plating?” Fenn asked, picturing a gorgeous gold and emerald handle. Maybe even some gold inlay on the blade. The elf would  _ totally _ dig that.

“I don’t. Next idea?”

Abruptly abandoning his ‘woe is me’ routine, Thirteen bounced on his toes. “Ooooh, what about a dragon!? Elves like dragons, don’t they?”

Finch reached out an pinched him. “Ain’t nobody talking about  _ elves _ here, idiot,” he hissed.

“Besides,” Shorty groaned, ”how would I even fucking do that?” 

“Maybe we should go more basic?” Silas suggested. “Like… nature?”

“So… a leaf?”

The six of them looked at each other and shrugged. 

“Sure,” Finch grunted, “a leaf.”

“Cool,” Shorty yawned. “I’ll get started in the morning, I guess. And while I’m making this masterpiece, what will you idiots be doing?”

Fenn punched his hand in the air, “we shall continue to plan ways to woo the Boss his man, of course!”

Pillow Tits sighed heavily, likely already forseeing the bruising and broken bones this endeavor could end in. Fenn just grinned. PT  _ always _ thought their adventures were going to end in bloodshed. 

Okay, sure, he was often right, but still. Where was the faith?

“We totally got this,” Thirteen highfived him.

“We got somethin’ all right,” Finch muttered. 

“Oh! Love letters! That’s a wooing thing, right?” Fenn bounced excitedly and Thirteen nodded vigorously. 

“Yeah! We can like, leave them around the forest!”

“But…” Silas frowned, “how would Ior – uh, the  _ target _ know they’re for him? You can’t sign them.”

“Huh,” Fenn tilted his head, considering that. “I mean, we could address them to him, right? ‘Hey treefucker, I think you’re neat. Show me your meat’?”

“Vetoed,” Pillow Tits said firmly. 

Thirteen snorted loudly then fell to the ground cackling. “‘Show me your meat’, fuck!” 

“That is the idea,” Shorty winked.

“Why don’t we say any love letters or other messages have to be approved by all of us first?” Finch suggested and Fenn beamed. Finch was always being all reasonable like that. It always made Fenn’s plans  _ even better. _

“What about Ves?” Silas bit his lip, darting nervous glances at the door.

“I mean, she wants the Boss to be happy too, yeah?” Shorty shrugged.

“Yeah, but…” Silas carefully shaped his fingers into the signs for E-L-F. “Keeping the secret isn’t the same as, you know…”

“Trying to get the Boss to bang?” 

Silas frowned at Fenn, but nodded. “Yeah, that.”

“I mean, it’s Ves,” Finch shrugged, “she’ll figure it out sooner or later and decide on her own. And probably criticize the idiocy of the plan.”

“I dunno what you’re talking about,” Thirteen grinned, “this plan is  _ foolproof.” _

“Yeah, she’s definitely gonna laugh at us,” Pillow Tits bemoaned.

“She probably already is,” Shorty said, patting him on the shoulder consolingly. “It is Ves, after all.”

“Hey, how come we don’t know any women who aren’t terrifying, anyway?” Fenn asked, crawling over Finch and Shorty to sprawl out on Finch’s cot.

“All women are terrifying,” Finch said knowledgeably, “it’s just a matter of degree.”

“You think elf women are just as scary?”

Thirteen made a rough sound that was a cross between a snort and a scoff. “Definitely.”

“Guess we should be glad the Scoia’tael don’t have a Ves,” Silas said.

Shorty nodded. “Damn right we should be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did I use this as an excuse to go looking for pretty knives on Pinterest? Of course I did.  
> Here’s the [silver filigree knife](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/712905816011465627/) and the [gold plated knife](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/712905816011464495/) and here’s a bonus [dragon knife](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/72831718965463344/), just because.


End file.
